And then she becomes Nine….
Daughters grow up fast. At first they are those adorable, wrap you around your pinkie sweethearts. By four, they have a personality and the language to use it. As they round the corner on six and seven, that personality requires a little reigning in to keep them out of trouble. Those sassy words that used to be cute are now kind of offensive.
I found seven and eight to be hard years for my daughters.
That is when they start to mature and you can see the shift. By this time, much of their belief system has been impressed in them. Yep, by the age of eight most of the major pieces of the puzzle have been imprinted. What you’ve got left is molding.
From here on out, you are an artist, a sculpturer, always on the lookout for new tools to help you carve, shape and unveil all of the beautiful creature that is your daughter. From here on out, it is no longer a single conversation that will change a behavior. She has incorporated free will and her own belief system that will interpret your messages. From here on out, you are going to become the mystical wizard of patience as you slowly, gently and lovingly massage out the authentic human that she is.
Now that I know this, I take a lot more pressure off myself so when she rages at me with angry words, I don’t have to jump down her throat. I’m not going to change her in one conversation – it’s going to take a bunch of them.
See what I am saying here? We don’t need to judge the mom at the super store when her ten year old mouths her off any more than you judge the artist when they are just getting started on their masterpiece. You do the very best you can with your kids during that critical time, but you can’t control all the things that influence a child’s development. But around the age of nine, you are getting to the best part. This is when you can really use your skills.
So what are some of the things you can do to help with the sculpting? What are some of the tools of the trade?
I’m going to elaborate on each of the 3Cs in the next set of emails – you can get a sneak peak by watching the 4 minute segment I did on CTV Live Morning show here.
We talk about all of these things in the Mother-Daughter workshop that I host for girls ages 8 – 12. It’s a chance to share stories, be real and to learn some skills of the trade – you can find the next one at the link below.
Register at: www.GirlsChangingtheWorld.com
Tracy Thibodeau, CCP